Tuesday, March 17, 2009

On Making Over the Blog: From Notebook to City Painting

It was time. The blog had been bland and theme-less for long enough... I mean, TYLER'S NOTEBOOK??? Come on! It was time to make the blog fabulous - give it some color and some direction!

And so here it is. Painting the City Red. The title captures my primary interests in a neat old-fashioned expression. Significance? First of all, every queer dreams of himself as a star. When I go out, the city turns red. Beyond that superficiality, I often write about cities and my prerogative is one of progressive/socialist (communist=red) politics... what better way to combine the two? That it also touches on OSU colors is not intentional, and frankly if there were a way to associate cities and socialism in such a catchy phrase without invoking that color, believe me I would. Alas, there isn't. Consider it a tribute to the city of Columbus (but not its famed sports team.)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Floridian Vacation


Casey and I returned from a lovely trip to Florida to visit his parents. Going to Florida is always pleasant, but it often leaves a bitter taste behind. I've figured out why that is. I have identified the three features that contribute to the quintessential Floridian vacation.

1.) The first is the pleasant weather - plenty of sun, warm temperatures, and beaches!! The climate and geography of Florida makes us all want to be nude, or close to it. What else would possess or excuse a 70 year old man in a speedo to frolic on the beach with his granddaughter?

It is sexy to be on the beach bathing in sunlight and the waves of the ocean, being immersed in nature, and feeling largely unrestrained except for a thin layer of bathing suit that separates your most prized body parts from the outside world.

The climate makes us happy and allows us to overlook the two other not-so-peachy features of the quintessential Floridian vacation....

2.) The first bitterness we overlook until after we leave is the indigenous people of Florida. That is, all of the rednecks and white trash that inhabit that peninsular paradise. Yes, Florida is the haven of the wife beater wearing, Key Stone Light drinking, ignorant gay bashing redneck.

Last year when we were visiting, I was rocking my favorite bathing suit, a khaki green boy short. Case and I were walking toward the beach when a mother, who was accompanying her two young daughters mind you, yelled "FAGS!" at Casey and I!!! As if she were not a bad enough example for her daughters, she had a Marborlo sticking out of her mouth, and her skin was the color of an orange that I had consumed earlier that day. EW!

It's a problem especially for gay people because I don't feel safe going out unless it is a gay club or I am in a big city like Miami. It's hard to feel comfortable in my own skin there, and there is little worse than that feeling.

If that demographic didn't make me worry for the welfare of the State of Florida, the vast numbers of old crusty retirees that flock there to live permanently or for the Winter are largely tasteless and spend their money on all the most gaudy gold jewelry (men and women alike). Further, Mom jeans are simply unacceptable, yet even the wealthier residents of Florida have somehow managed to get their hands on them. UNACCEPTABLE!! If you have the money, you had better be stylish... it's insulting and offensive otherwise. Insulting because I have very little money and I manage to make myself fabulous; offensive because it is painful for the eyes.

Another example of this tastelessness is the Floridian concept of dressing up. To dress up, wear khaki fabric in some form and a polo... it's as simple as that! The khaki can be shorts, trousers, or skirt (as long as it is covers the ankles.) Your shoes cannot be anything other than flip flops or sandals, although bare feet seem to be appropriate for any social situation as well. Can any culture that lends itself to such trash get any worse? Yes it can...

3.) Perhaps the worst feature of the Floridian vacation and the Floridian lifestyle in general is its lack of environmental concern. Living or visiting Florida is unsustainable... there is sprawl up the ass, people water their lawns and fill their swimming pools (and even the poorest redneck owns a pool in Florida) despite a fresh water supply shortage, and how does one survive the hot Floridian sun? AIR CONDITIONING. All of this leads to a barren cultural wasteland that is consuming resources that it simply doesn't have. So with all of the money that tourism and old people bring with them, the State imports water and all of the other resources of which it can't produce enough. And the cycle of degradation continues.

Wow. I just bitched a great deal about a place where I always have a great time. Casey's parents show us a great time, and they are wonderful people. But Florida does have some serious issues it should address to become an ecofriendly place. And it already has a headstart with its lovely climate :)